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10 Myths About Sex for Men in Their 40s

Picture of Lisa Welsh
Lisa Welsh

Sexual Health & Pleasure Educator
Media Liaison for the World Association for Sexual Health

Do you think you know all there is to know about sex for men in their 40s? 

Well, then, you might be surprised. Today, we’re debunking the top 10 myths that have defined what sex is like for men in their 40s. 

Get ready to challenge everything you thought you knew about sexuality, desire, and intimacy for men in their 40s. 

Top 10 myths about sex for men in their 40s 

Below is a list of the ten most prominent myths about the sex lives of men in their fourth decade, plus what’s true. Some of these myths might surprise you!

1. Men have a constantly high sexual desire

We tend to think that men are always thinking about sex. 

But the truth is that men’s desire naturally fluctuates, and it’s also impacted by many factors aside from age, including stress, health, relationship dynamics, and more. 

alt: Top causes of fluctuation in sexual desire

Sure, ageing can result in low libido at times due to hormones, but it doesn’t mean your sex drive is going to be on a constant decrease.

Many men in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond experience and enjoy a robust sexual desire. 

But expecting it to be consistently high every day is unrealistic. And it can lead to unnecessary pressure and self-esteem issues.

2. Men don’t need intimacy

We’re often led to believe that men can fully separate sex from emotion. 

But emotional intimacy is crucial to many (including men) who want a fulfilling sexual relationship going beyond just physical connection. 

For some people, physical intimacy can actually be a gateway for them to experience that emotional intimacy. And contrary to popular belief, men can deeply value emotional closeness and connection in their sexual relationships.

Building intimacy involves open communication, shared experiences, and emotional vulnerability. And all of those things can increase the fulfilment and satisfaction of many men’s sexual lives.

Now, the fact that you’re here, reading this blog post makes me think that you’re interested to learn more about the potential of men to experience more profound pleasure and satisfaction. 

And if that’s the case, you’ll love my free guide. It’s all about igniting the passion so you can live your life confidently in the bedroom.

You can find the FREE Reigniting Passion for Men Guide right here

3. Sexual rejection is not a big deal

The truth is that sexual rejection can damage somebody’s self-esteem and the overall dynamics of the relationship.

This can be especially true when men are expected to initiate, and the rejections just keep on coming through, and they’re not handled sensitively.

This is a big learning moment for anybody in a relationship with a man reading this. Understand that initiating sex does take courage and rejection does sometimes hurt. 

alt: Image of a man that's been rejected sexually

So, what I recommend is that you at least take a moment to consider the initiation and discuss the best ways you would like your partner to approach you to initiate sex.

And then think about the way that you’re saying no. 

What could you potentially be available for? 

On the other hand, it’s also essential to accept rejection and find ways to cope and manage the feelings that might come up when you are rejected after initiating sex. 

This way, you can keep communication channels open and deal with it in a healthy and constructive way.

4. Men should always initiate sex

This is like an unspoken rule that can form in a relationship and means that the man is always initiating, and the woman just expects him to do so.

And it devalues the part that initiation plays. Because if nobody initiates, then sex doesn’t happen. And that’s not very sexy. 

So, I encourage you to expand beyond those traditional gender roles. It’s healthy for both partners to share this responsibility. Of course, there are fun ways that you can do it, and if you’d like a blog post on that, let me know in the comments.

But the fact is that balanced initiation within a relationship leads to a more fulfilling and equal partnership where everybody gets a chance to feel desired. Everybody gets a chance to be chased and to receive that attention. 

So, learning how to discuss and express your sexual desires openly with your partner can really lead to enhanced satisfaction for everybody involved. 

Besides, sexual arousal can happen for both parties, so it’s just fair that both initiate at times. This will also likely lead to more regular sex and a healthy sex life. So, it’s a win-win. 

5. Men in their forties are less sexually attractive to their lovers

I want to start by saying that sexual attraction goes beyond physical appearance. Confidence, experience, presence, and emotional maturity are all very attractive traits. And, of course, having a perfect body is not a prerequisite for great sex. 

alt: Things that make you sexually attractive

So self-acceptance and confidence are key here, and I cover this in that free guide I mentioned earlier. Remember to download it if you want to learn more about self-acceptance and confidence — among a range of other topics that will reignite your sex life. 

Also note that perceptions of attractiveness do change as we get older, and many people find that their 40s bring a whole new level of sex appeal. 

6. Men in their 40s are no longer open to exploration

Well, I want to tell you that your 40s can be a great time to bring in variety and spice. It’s never too late to introduce new ideas to keep things hot in the bedroom, like new sex positions

Maybe you want to discuss some fantasies or kinks or add a little bit of erotic spanking to the boudoir.

Who knows? 

The only limit is your imagination and each other’s consent. But trust me, I speak from experience when I say that being open to change and new experiences can absolutely heighten your sex life to new realms of possibility that you may not have even imagined.

7. Men should always be dominant in the bedroom 

The reality is that sexual dynamics vary significantly from person to person and over the years. 

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. And in fact, many men do enjoy the opportunity to be in a position of submission, whether that is through role play, with femdom, or being pegged.

There are so many different ways this can be brought into the bedroom, and it can be deeply satisfying for both parties to play around with those power dynamics. 

alt: Dominant woman

Many couples enjoy switching up the power dynamics from time to time. It’s always important to make sure that consent is involved and that there is a lot of communication, but the forties are a great time to learn about yourself. 

Ask yourself what you’re curious about. You can always consider expressing yourself as somebody who is submissive in the bedroom for a change.

Being open to this can teach you so much about yourself and your lover, and it can send your sex life off the charts. 

8. Libido is going to droop 

Many people think men’s libido will naturally drop as they get older, and I just want to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way if you take good care of your overall health — including physical and mental health.

Your sex life is part of your overall life. Your penis is part of you. That means if you take care of yourself, you will help yourself in all areas of your life. 

  • Maintain your physical health. 
  • Handle your stress levels.
  • Look after your emotional well-being. 

All of these things can positively impact your libido. Plus, staying sexually active and engaged will also help to make sure your sex life remains on fire into your fourth decade and beyond. 

9. Erectile difficulties are unavoidable

So, I’m here with the good news. Erectile dysfunction and difficulties are not an inevitable part of ageing. Healthy habits, regular exercise, and managing any health conditions help reduce the risk of ED.

There are many solutions and treatments available if you are experiencing ED, from sexual medicine to hormone therapy. 

So don’t ignore any early warning signs. There are many people out there who are qualified to help you.

10. ED is the end of your sex life 

Absolutely not. 

Let’s bust this myth right here and now. 

If you’re experiencing ED, there are many ways you can adapt and explore other forms of pleasure.

Focus on different kinds of sexual intimacy, for example, oral sex, manual stimulation, and sensual touch. 

These can all be incredibly pleasurable and keep that bond and connection not to mention the wide variety of toys available to help you bring more satisfaction. 

alt: Image of different sex toys for men and women

If your lover has a vulva, you might be surprised to learn that she’s more likely to experience orgasm by stimulating her vulva and her clitoris, which doesn’t mean that anything needs to go into her vagina at all.

You might also be surprised to learn that you do not need to have an erection to experience ejaculation. It’s true. Go ahead and Google it: “Can a flaccid penis ejaculate?” And the answer is yes. 

There are many new sex toys available and other ways of stimulating the penis to bring pleasure. A soft penis deserves pleasure, admiration, and love. 

As you can see, sexual activity DOESN’T stop in your 40s…

So, as we’ve seen, many of these myths are based on outdated information and stereotypes. And understanding the truth about sex in your 40s can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling sex life.

Now, at this point in the blog post, you might be wondering how you can actually enhance the depth of your sexual experiences.

And so, I recommend you download the FREE Reigniting Passion for Men Guide here. Inside the guide, you’ll learn how to rebuild your confidence, explore your sexual desires, and find joy and fulfilment in your sexual experience. 

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