Ever wondered if size really matters to women or if there’s more to it? You’re definitely not the only one.
I’m Lisa Welsh, and I’m an Accredited Sex Educator who’s here to help you feel more confident in the bedroom so that you can have the most satisfying sexual experiences you can imagine.
Today, I’ll be answering this age-old question: does size matter? Plus, I’ll be sharing some tips for you average-sized guys, including the best sex positions and practical ideas to keep things sizzling in the bedroom.
So, stay tuned to bust some myths, discover truths, and learn insights that might completely change how you think about intimacy.
What is the average penis size?
Let’s start with one of the most common concerns. What really is the average penis size? And what does that really mean in the bedroom?
Let’s go back in time to 1996.
There was a landmark study that aimed to find out when men needed penis enlargement surgery. This study measured the penises of 80 people, both flaccid and in forced erection states.
They found that the average length of a flaccid penis is about 8.8 cm or 3.5 inches. The erect length is approximately 12.9 to 13.97 cm or 5.1 to 5.5 inches.
Does that surprise you?
These figures challenge what we tend to see in the media.
So, let’s put this into perspective. The average erect penis size is just around 5 inches, which is about the average size of a teaspoon.
And if you ever compare yourself to what you see in porn, then it would be expected to feel a bit inadequate because the average male porn star has an erection of around 8 inches long.
So, let’s be serious…
You don’t waste your precious time worrying and comparing your height to an NBA basketball player, right? So, why on earth do you worry about comparing your penis to the silver screen porn star?
And don’t forget that filming techniques in professional porn are designed to make everything look longer. Compared to your view, which is typically from above and probably flaccid, that’s not a very fair comparison.
So even after learning this, are you still wishing for more penis length?
Well, let’s put it this way, having an average-sized penis actually gives you the most versatility when it comes to penetrative sex because if you have an average-sized partner who has either an average-sized vagina or anus, then an average-sized penis is going to be just what’s needed.
It can still provide a full sensation without any extra discomfort.
Does penis size matter to women?
So now that we know what the average penis size is, let’s ask the question of whether size really matters. Is there more to it?
Well, research suggests that concern about the size of the penis is often a bigger worry for the person with the penis than their partner.
So that means men usually worry more about what’s in their pants than their lover does.
In one revealing study, which included feedback from around 25,000 heterosexual men and their female partners, it was found that around 85% of the women were satisfied with the size of their partner’s penis. And guess how many men felt the same? Only 55%.
The truth is, for many women, penis size is not the top priority when they’re choosing a lover.
Instead, elements like the depth of connection and quality of overall sexual experience hold more weight when it comes to their sexual satisfaction.
So, what matters more than size?
It comes down to using what you have effectively and helping your partner feel cherished and satisfied.
Worrying excessively about size can undermine your confidence and your performance.
So, instead of fixating on your size, why not put that same energy into building a positive body image?
Best sex positions for men with average-sized penises
Now let’s look at the very best sex positions for you if you have an average-sized penis.
And you might want to take notes because these ideas can amplify the pleasure for both you and your lover.
1. Anal sex
If you’re considering butt stuff, then an average size penis could be the perfect pairing. But it’s important to state that you still need to go slowly. Use a lot of lube and take your time to warm the area up so there’s no discomfort.
The average size of a beginner’s butt plug comes in at around eight or eight and a half centimetres. And we just said that the average erect penis is nearly 13 centimetres.
So, you do need to take your time and go slow.
And moving on to positions for the penis in the vagina, I want to show you one of the most popular insertable toys from Lelo. This is the insertable part that goes into the vagina:
That comes in at about 10 centimetres. Remember we said the average erect penis is almost 13 centimetres. So, if only 10 centimetres of this incredibly popular toy is the insertable part, then your penis — which is longer, will be more than enough to give her pleasure.
So, what positions can give you the maximum depth that will help you both have a great time?
2. Leg up
One of them is to put a leg up. So the partner with the vagina is going to start by lying on their back, lifting one leg. Then the partner with the penis is going to penetrate, and they are going to put the woman’s leg on the man’s shoulder.
This position allows for deep penetration and a lot of clitoral stimulation. We’re going to talk more about the clitoris in a minute.
You can also slide a pillow underneath the woman’s hips to help with better alignment.
3. Doggy style
The next position you’re going to want to try if you have an average size penis is doggy-style sex. So with this one, the person with the vagina is going to be on all fours, and the person with the penis is going to penetrate from behind.
To go deeper, the woman is going to rest her chest on the bed, bringing the angle of her back up and opening up the vagina, allowing for the penis to go further inside. I have a blog post about making doggy style better if you want to learn more.
Another great position for you to try if you have an average size penis is cowgirl with the person with the vulva on top.
This allows for the riding partner who is being penetrated to be in control of the depth that feels best for them. And once again, it allows for excellent stimulation of the clitoris.
With all of these positions, it’s essential to stay in touch, keep communicating, and make sure that it feels great for everybody involved.
4 tips to have super hot sex if you have an average-sized penis
Here are some of my top tips to have the best sex you’ve ever had.
1. Stop the comparison game
Embrace sexy confidence and try to stop those thoughts at the moment as they come up.
If you start to think about the size of your penis when you’re in the act, then try to ground yourself in the knowledge that you are with somebody who wants to be with you. Someone who’s enjoying your body and the way you are bringing them sexual pleasure, regardless of your penis size.
Try to nip those thoughts in the butt, and if you do find that they’re causing an issue and coming up again and again and impacting your performance, then seek help from a sex therapist.
Somebody who’s licensed to help you navigate these things because they can give you brilliant tools and techniques personalised for you to help move beyond performance anxiety.
2. Realize that when there is a vulva involved, penetration is not the only thing on the table
Fabulous, stimulating, and satisfying foreplay doesn’t even need to involve a penis.
We’re going to remove the vagina from the picture entirely. We’re not talking about putting anything inside of there right now.
The vulva, which consists of the inner and the outer lips, feels great to be touched, especially if you include lubrication.
Just try different forms of touch.
Then we have the head of the clitoris at the top that can feel fabulous to be stimulated either directly or indirectly with your mouth, fingers, or a sex toy.
The clitoris is this beautiful big organ that actually gets erect inside of a woman. It allows so much pleasure that it does not require vaginal penetration.
When it gets engorged, it becomes the G-Spot. Entering into the vagina, you can stimulate the G-Spot through the vaginal wall.
It doesn’t require much depth, and you can use your fingers. Learn more about this in this video linked right here.
3. Open your mind to the world of toys and props
Whether they’re vibrating toys, blindfolds, dildos, or something entirely different, I want you to stop thinking about toys and props as compensating for something you don’t have.
Instead, reframe that toys and props can enhance the experience and bring varied sensations to everybody who’s involved.
Think about it this way: Incorporating toys into the bedroom not only adds excitement but also showcases your confidence and your adventurous spirit in the bedroom.
4. Work on your hip flexibility
Improved flexibility can lead to a greater depth of penetration.
Start by looking up some simple hip stretching exercises to increase your agility and transform you into a masterful lover.
So, now that we’ve debunked these myths and equipped you with the keys to true satisfaction, do you want to go even deeper? Remember to download my free ebook, “A Man’s Guide to Enhanced Sexual Confidence”.
You can also check out my blog post that uncovers more surprising myths about the sex lives of men.