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alt: learn how to face sit

Ultimate Guide to Sit on Your Husband’s Face

Picture of Lisa Welsh
Lisa Welsh

Podcaster
Sexual Health & Pleasure Educator
Media Liaison for the World Association for Sexual Health

Have you ever considered facesitting, also known as queening or face-riding?

Facesitting can be a powerful and intimate addition to your sexual repertoire — provided it’s approached with respect, consent, and clear communication. 

But what exactly is facesitting? How can it transform your intimate experiences? And, how do you safely and confidently engage in this practice? 

Brace yourself, because we’re about to dive into the art of facesitting in its full glory.

What is Facesitting? 

At its core, facesitting is a sexual act where one partner “sits” on or over the other partner’s face, positioning their genitals or anus in direct contact with the bottom partner’s mouth. 

alt: illustration of facesitting

(Image Source)

Once in position, oral stimulation is given, creating a unique and intense form of intimacy. But it’s not just about the physical act, it’s also about power dynamics, exploration, and surrendering to pleasure.

Here’s where the beauty of face sitting shines through: The “sitter” is in full control. They’re not just “on top,” they’re on their throne, governing the pace, pressure, and the areas receiving stimulation. 

Unlike position 69 where the focus is split, facesitting lets the sitter bask in undivided attention, making it a wonderful practice for those who need a bit of encouragement to fully embrace their pleasure.

As the sitter, you can ride your partner’s face, rubbing your vulva, clitoris, or even anus against their mouth and nose. 

This position doesn’t merely empower. It can also lead to more intense orgasms because it allows for direct, self-guided clitoral stimulation against your partner’s face, similar to the sensation of grinding during penetrative sex.

Note: Don’t let gender limit your perspective. Facesitting is accessible to all genders and orientations. While the traditional facesitting setup might seem more suited for vulva owners, those with penises can also engage in this practice, primarily focusing on anal stimulation, also known as “rimming.”

Why Try Facesitting?

There are many reasons why you may want to try facesitting. Here are some of them: 

Women in Control

One of the main benefits of facesitting is the degree of control it offers to the woman. 

Whether it’s wanting faster stimulation on your clitoris or needing more pressure, facesitting lets you dictate the pace and intensity of the act. 

By gently grinding or pushing down, you can guide your partner to provide just the kind of pleasure you’re looking for.

Better Orgasms

Facesitting provides your partner with a fantastic view of your vulva and vagina, allowing for more precise stimulation of your sweet spots. Furthermore, if you’re into dominance, just the act of taking control can increase your arousal, leading to potentially more powerful orgasms.

Intense Sensory Experience for the Giver

Facesitting isn’t just beneficial for the receiver. Many people love being the giver in this position because it offers them an intimate view and experience of their lover’s sex organ. 

The unique taste and smell associated with vaginal secretions can be highly erotic for some people.

Also, the pressure exerted and the heightened other senses in the darkness create a deeply sensual experience. If a woman can “squirt,” that can add an extra layer of excitement for the partner underneath.

Increased Intimacy and Vulnerability

Engaging in facesitting can create a closer bond between partners. The act requires trust and vulnerability from both parties:

  • The giver trusts the receiver by allowing them to sit on their face
  • The receiver exposes their most intimate area to their partner 

This level of trust can deepen the emotional connection between the two of you.

Empowering and Confidence-Boosting

Engaging in facesitting can be empowering and a massive boost to your confidence. 

As the woman on top, you might feel like a queen on her throne — an experience that can help you become more assertive and enthusiastic in getting what you want from your sexual experiences. 

It’s important to note that being assertive and knowing what you want in bed is highly attractive to many partners.

Incorporation into BDSM

Facesitting can be a significant element in BDSM, where a dominant/submissive dynamic is established. 

The person on top (the ‘dom’) is in a position of control and power, while the person on the bottom (the ‘sub’) yields control, focusing on pleasuring their partner above all else. Facesitting can reinforce this dynamic, adding an extra layer of intensity to the sexual encounter.

alt: List of the benefits of facesitting

Bringing Up Facesitting

So, how do you introduce facesitting into your bedroom repertoire? 

Communication is the key. 

Discuss it openly and honestly with your partner, highlighting the mutual benefits and your desire to try it out. Remember, this should be a fun exploration for both of you and it’s crucial that everyone involved is comfortable with the idea.

Initiating a conversation about trying new things in the bedroom, especially something like facesitting, might feel a little daunting. Here are some tips to make that conversation smoother:

  • Create a comfortable atmosphere: Start the conversation in a relaxed setting, where you both feel comfortable and open. This will help in discussing intimate matters without feeling pressured or judged.
  • Be honest about your desires: Express your interest in facesitting honestly. Emphasise that it’s not about dominance or control (unless you both are into that) but about exploring new ways to give and receive pleasure.
  • Encourage open dialogue: Let your partner express their thoughts, feelings, and apprehensions. Make sure they know that their comfort is paramount and that you are open to their feedback.
  • Educate each other: It’s possible your partner might not know what facesitting is, or they might have misconceptions about it. Try to explain it in a non-threatening way and, if they’re comfortable, share informative resources about the act. Ask them if they’re okay with juices, squirt, or cum on their face. 
  • Trial runs: You don’t have to dive right in. Suggesting a trial run could help. Experiment with similar, less intimidating acts to ease into it.
alt: Tips to bring up the topic of facesitting

Safety and Communication

Facesitting should be pleasurable, not painful. 

The key safety measures include agreeing on a safe word, ensuring the giver can breathe easily, and being mindful of the pressure exerted. 

Communication before, during, and after the act is vital to ensure everyone is comfortable and having a good time. Here are some tips to make facesitting safe and pleasurable. 

Use a Safe Word

The act of facesitting can be very intimate and, at times, overwhelming for the person on the receiving end. Establish a safe word beforehand that signals when one partner is uncomfortable and needs to stop.

Use a Safe Signal 

During sexual activities that may limit one’s ability to speak, such as facesitting, using a “safe signal” instead of a “safe word” is a more effective and reliable way to communicate discomfort, need for pause, or an outright stop. 

Safe signals ensure that the partner who is giving oral sex can clearly communicate their boundaries, even when speaking isn’t possible.

Here are some examples of safe signals that you can use:

  • Tapping out: Just like in martial arts, the bottom partner can tap their hands against the bed or the body of the top partner. Two or three rapid taps are usually enough to communicate the need for a pause or a stop.
  • Squeezing or pinching your partner’s hand: If the bottom partner can reach the top partner’s hand, they can squeeze it as a signal. Decide on the meaning of a single squeeze vs. a series of quick squeezes beforehand to avoid confusion.
  • Dropping a ball or object: The bottom partner can hold a small ball or another object (like a set of keys) in their hand. If they drop it, it’s a signal to stop the activity immediately.
  • Thumbs up or down: If the facesitting position allows it, the bottom partner can use a thumbs-up to indicate that everything is okay and a thumbs-down when they need a break.
  • Turning on a light: If you’re near a bedside lamp or another light source that can be easily switched on and off, it can be used as a signal to stop.

Check in Regularly 

Always check in with your partner during the act. Make sure they’re comfortable and enjoying themselves. Remember, pleasure should always be mutual.

Understand and Respect Boundaries 

Discussing boundaries beforehand is crucial. Make sure both parties are fully aware of what’s acceptable and what isn’t.

Breath Control 

Remember that the act involves covering someone’s mouth and nose with the genital area. Be aware of the risk of suffocation, and ensure the bottom partner has ample opportunities to breathe.

Hygiene

Good personal hygiene can enhance the experience for both partners. Cleanliness ensures comfort, especially for the partner giving oral pleasure.

Fear of Squishing Your Partner

It’s not uncommon for women — especially those of larger body sizes, to have concerns about facesitting due to fears of squashing their partner or causing discomfort. 

If you share this concern, know that these worries are often more rooted in societal expectations and body insecurities than in reality. 

Most of the time, your partner is eager for the intimate experience facesitting provides, and they’re less focused on your weight than you might imagine. 

The key is communication, trust, and understanding your partner’s comfort levels. Remember, you have control over your body and can adjust your position or weight distribution to enhance both your and your partner’s comfort. 

Plus, using your hands and arms for support can alleviate a lot of pressure. Facesitting doesn’t mean applying your full weight. Instead, it’s about finding the balance that allows both partners to enjoy the experience. 

The facesitting position offers a unique perspective and a level of control that many find exhilarating, so don’t let insecurities rob you of exploring this intimate act. 

Your body is beautiful, and sexual activities like facesitting can enhance your confidence, deepen your connection with your partner, and provide profound mutual pleasure.

Step-by-Step Guide to Facesitting

Now, let’s explore how to engage in facesitting. 

Step 1: Set the Scene

Start by ensuring the partner who will be sat upon is lying down on a comfortable surface, like a bed, where their neck won’t strain. They should be relaxed and ready to give oral pleasure.

Step 2: Get Into the Kneeling Position

The sitting partner should kneel over the other’s face, positioning their knees on either side of the lying partner’s head. At this stage, you can use your hands, legs, and even pillows for support to ensure comfort.

Step 3: Do a Slow Descent

Next, slowly and carefully lower your vulva or anus towards your partner’s face. It’s important that this is done gently and with great care, considering the comfort of both partners.

Step 4: Support Yourself When You Get Tired

If you feel fatigue setting in at any point, you can place your hands on the bed or on your partner’s stomach to help support yourself. Remember, it’s about mutual enjoyment and pleasure.

Step 5: Grind, Wiggle, or Rock Your Body

The sitting partner can gently grind on the receiving partner’s face, causing contact with the clitoris or vagina, which can heighten the experience. 

Feel free to experiment with different angles and motions to find the stimulation that feels best for you. You might consider: 

  • Gyrating your hips
  • Moving forward or backward
  • Pressing gently down to increase pressure 

You could even try facing in the opposite direction for a different angle of stimulation. 

alt: Illustration of the reverse facesitting position

(Image Source)

Step 6: Bottom Stimulation Techniques

While the tongue is traditionally used for stimulation in this position, the nose can also provide unique sensations. As with all sexual experiences, it’s about exploring and finding what works best for you and your partner. Play around with the head, neck, and tongue. 

Step 7: Communication and Adjustment

The partner beneath can use their hands to communicate, gently pulling in for more pressure or pushing away for less. Communication and feedback are key.

Step 8: Dismounting

When you’re done, remember to dismount slowly and carefully, showing the same care and respect for your partner’s comfort as you did throughout the experience. Remember that all these steps should be guided by open explicit consent and respect for each other’s comfort levels.

Step 9: Aftercare

Aftercare can be a vital part of the sexual routine. This can involve cuddling, reassurances, or open discussions about the experience. All of which can make both you and your partner feel safe and validated.

Facesitting Positions to Try

Once you’re comfortable with the basics, it’s time to experiment with different positions. Not everyone will find every position comfortable or possible due to physical limitations or health conditions. Listen to your bodies and respect each other’s limits.

1. Classic Queening

The classic queening or face sitting position involves the ‘giver’ lying on their back while the ‘receiver’ straddles their face, positioning their vulva or anus over the giver’s mouth. This position provides intense oral stimulation for the receiver and offers the giver an up-close and personal view.

2. Reverse Queening

A variation of the classic queening position, Reverse Queening, involves the receiver facing away from the giver. This position offers a better angle for clitoral stimulation and easy access for the giver to stimulate the receiver’s anus, making it perfect for rimming.

3. Sofa Soiree

One of the unique facesitting positions, the Sofa Soiree, involves an armchair. The giver leans against the back of the furniture while the receiver kneels on the armrests, bringing their vulva close to the giver’s face. 

The receiver can stabilise their body by holding onto the back of the armchair, giving the giver access to their clitoris, vagina, or anus.

4. The Hover Technique

For those who might worry about their body weight being too much for their partner, the Squatting Technique is ideal. 

Here, the receiver squats over the giver’s face instead of kneeling, providing control over the amount of weight placed on the giver’s face. It also provides an erotic view and the potential for teasing.

5. Leaning Against the Headboard

If balance isn’t your forte, leaning against the headboard or a wall can provide additional support. 

It offers the receiver more control over how much weight they want to place on the giver’s face. This can increase the intensity of oral stimulation and add an extra layer of pleasure.

Advanced Facesitting Suggestions

So you’ve started to explore facesitting and want to take things to the next level? Here are some pro tips to truly master this empowering and pleasure-packed experience.

Swap the Roles

Facesitting offers a variety of pleasures to both the giver and the receiver. Consider switching places occasionally to understand the act from the other’s perspective and share the pleasure of both roles.

Try Rimming

Facesitting offers a great opportunity to try analingus, where you or your partner pleasure each other anally with your tongues. Rimming and anal play feels especially good for men since it can give them a p-spot orgasm

Explore Various Angles and Positions

Don’t just stick to one position. Experiment with different angles and positions to find the ones that provide the maximum pleasure and comfort for both of you. Speaking of sex positions, discover some of the hottest sex positions you can try to amplify pleasure in the bedroom. 

Amp it Up with Toys

Incorporating sex toys into your facesitting sessions can significantly enhance the experience. Whether it’s a vibrating toy for the sitter or a masturbatory aid for the giver, these additions can take pleasure to new heights.

alt: Images of sex toys

Weight Control

Sitters can use their weight to their advantage. Gently increasing pressure by leaning in more can enhance the stimulation on the giver’s tongue and lips. However, be careful not to put too much weight on your partner.

Try Different Locations

Take your facesitting escapades beyond the bedroom. As long as you’re comfortable and in a private setting, trying different locations can add an exciting new element to the experience.

Incorporate Elements of BDSM

If you enjoy power play, facesitting is an excellent way to introduce elements of BDSM into your sex life. It creates an inherent dominant/submissive dynamic. However, always ensure boundaries are respected, and communication remains open.

Spice Up Your Sex Life

Facesitting offers a wealth of benefits, from better orgasms to a feeling of empowerment, fostering a closer bond and opening an avenue for BDSM experiences. 

However, like all sexual activities, it’s important to maintain open communication and ensure the comfort and consent of all parties involved. So, why not take the plunge and explore this unique world of pleasure and intimacy? Who knows, it might just become your new favourite. 

If you’d like to spice things up in your marriage even more, check out Beducated for a tonne of sexy courses that you and your partner can explore together. 

Happy exploring!

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