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how to fix sexual boredom

How to Fix Sexual Boredom and Have Loads of Fun in Bed

Picture of Lisa Welsh
Lisa Welsh

Sexual Health & Pleasure Educator
Media Liaison for the World Association for Sexual Health

Do you find yourself wishing for more passion, pleasure, and fun in the boudoir? 

Are you tired of the same old same old and need to add some spice to your sex life? 

I hear you!

The reality is that all couples, regardless of how long they’ve been in a relationship, experience dips in their sex lives at some point. Yep – sexual boredom can impact all of us!

Luckily, there are many ways you can bring your sex life out of its dry spell and revitalise it to experience more fun in the bedroom than ever before. 

This article will cover some of the most common reasons for sexual boredom so you can get to the root of your boring sex life, as well as give you nine unique ideas to spice up your time between the sheets. 

Most common reasons for sexual boredom

Here’s a list of some of the most common reasons your sex life is boring. 

Sex becomes routine

Routine definitely has a place in your life when it comes to things like grocery shopping, work, and other daily activities. However, when it comes to the bedroom, repetition can really put a damper on your excitement, sex drive, and mood. 

Sex can begin to feel like a chore instead of a reward. 

You don’t want that. Instead, you want the thought of rolling in the sheets to get your heart racing and your lady parts screaming for attention. 

Sexual desire discrepancy

Desire discrepancy is when you have a lower sex drive than your partner. Or vice versa. This can be caused by many internal and external factors, including medication, hormones, and stress — just to name a few. 

Becoming parents

Becoming a parent is exhausting. Waking up five times in one night isn’t fun and can leave you feeling drained and not in the mood for sex. 

On top of that, as a new mother, you may feel like you have a new identity: I’m a mother now, so passionate, orgasm-inducing sex is my last priority.  

Or perhaps you feel unattractive and don’t have the body confidence you used to have before giving birth.

Never trying new things

Sometimes, trying the same things, in the same positions, in the same location can become super boring. Your mind and body know exactly what to expect, which can really take away the excitement and anticipation. 

Orgasm gap

This situation occurs when one person in the marriage or relationship doesn’t experience orgasms as regularly as their partner. 

Most studies find that in heterosexual relationships, women are the ones who don’t experience orgasms — with as much as 35%–65% of women reporting they don’t consistently have orgasms while having sex. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, 95% of men in heterosexual relationships report having orgasms on a consistent basis when having sex. 

9 ideas to spice up your sex life

There are many ways you can ignite the passion in your bedroom. It ultimately depends on your kinks, needs, and willingness to try new things. 

Here are some unique ideas you can try to get your heart pumping and make you excited about sex again. 

1. Keep your clothes on

Wait a minute… Keep my clothes on? Won’t that make the experience even more boring?

Nope, not at all! 

You see since you’re probably used to taking off all your clothes during sex, doing the opposite can feel naughty and adventurous. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. You don’t need to keep all your clothes on — a small clothing item or accessory will do just fine. 

From your heels, your skirt, a sexy pair of stockings, to a string of pearls, being almost naked can get your partner hard and ready. For men, leaving on a tie, or better yet, just unzipping your jeans (and leaving them on), is super hot. 

image of a woman wearing sexy heels

This technique works so well since it gives the illusion that you’re in a rush or may even get caught. And we all know that the fear of getting caught intensifies the experience tenfold. 

2. Try self love (in front of each other!) 

Mutual masturbation is sexy as hell. 

Watching each other play and explore your bodies will get you both hot and panting. 

By showing your partner how you touch yourself, you’re giving them the exact pleasure roadmap they can follow to hit all the right spots and intensify your orgasms. 

This will empower your partner (and you) to be better lovers and can also serve as an “ice breaker” so you feel more comfortable asking for what you want in the future.

3. Bring in the sex toys

Adding a sex toy — or two 😉 — to the mix can make the experience far more exhilarating and intense for you both. 

From pulsing, penetrating, sucking, to vibrating, there’s a massive range of tools for you to choose from. There are tools for both men and women — and even some gender-neutral toys you can try. 

However, when shopping for toys, ensure that you look for premium quality, body-safe toys that won’t end up causing harm rather than pleasure. Always buy your toys from reputable suppliers. 

You can always start with toys on the more “vanilla” side and work your way up as you learn what you and your partner enjoy. 

Need some sex toy inspo? 

Head over to my Top 15 Fifty Shades of Grey Toys article, which will give you a list of the “most vanilla” and “most naughty” tools you can try out. 

4. Send a sexy text

There’s something highly erotic about dirty texts and photos. 

Sexting is a playful way to let your partner know that you’re thinking of them — and all the dirty things you plan on doing to them. 

example of a sext

Now, I know sometimes sending a sext can be really intimidating since you don’t know where to start or what needs to be in the message in the first place. 

The best thing you can do is to think of things your partner generally enjoys in the bedroom. Do they like a lot of foreplay? Are they a sucker for oral sex? Do they enjoy it slow or hard? Are they massive fans of certain toys?

Once you’ve figured that out, you can go ahead and use some of the sentences below and just fill in the blanks. 

  • I want you to _______ me slowly with your _______.
  • Come over and let me _______ with my _______ while you lie back and watch. 
  • I’ve been horny all day. Can’t wait to get home and _______.
  • I bought _______ today. Think you can come over and lick/eat it off my _______?

5. Try new positions

Look, there’s no shortage of sex positions out there. Hundreds, in fact. 

From reverse cowgirl, doggy style, to the butterfly position, the sky’s the limit. 

That being said, not all positions are for everyone. Some you’ll love, some you’ll hate, and others you’ll find “meh”. 

Your best bet here is to think of what you and your partner need to find release. For example, more often than not, women need clitoral stimulation in addition to penetration to have orgasms. 

A 2015 study paper by Prof. Debby Herbenick found that only 18.4% of women reported that penetration alone was sufficient for an orgasm. 

Thus, choosing a position that stimulates your clitoris in addition to penetration will help you experience more pleasure. 

But while you’re on the hunt for your fav positions, don’t overlook the trusty missionary. It’s one of the best for intimacy — giving you maximum skin-to-skin contact and allowing you to look into each other’s eyes.

And, yes, I know the missionary style often gets a bad rap for being “too boring”, — but trust me, it doesn’t have to be. 

Grab my free erotic date plans to make missionary sex hotter than ever before.

6. Try some sexy fantasies 

You’ve probably had at least one or two sexual fantasies in your life (if not more). 

Perhaps a power dynamic like:

  • Professor and student 
  • Boss and employee
  • Police officer and captive
  • Doctor and nurse
  • Dominatrix and submissive

Or maybe even strangers meeting each other for the first time or your favourite character in a movie.  

Any of this sound familiar to you? 

Whatever your sexual fantasy, why not try incorporating it into your sex life? 

Start out simple — by behaving in a way that’s slightly out of the ordinary. Send dirty texts, wear lingerie and red lipstick, and use provocative words and phrases. 

woman wearing red lipstick

It’s okay if it feels silly — it’s supposed to be playful. 

You can even make a game out of it by creating fantasy fun cards where you and your partner write down your fantasies onto separate cards. From there, you can shuffle the cards or throw them into a jar and pick one every time you’re ready for some fantasy play. 

Remember, role-play is all about having fun. Who knows, you might end up enjoying it more than you think.

7. Have fun together (outside of the bedroom)

Sexual boredom isn’t necessarily a result of “bad” or “boring” sex. It can sometimes stem from your life outside of the bedroom. 

Luckily, there’s an easy way to fix this. 

Try spending more quality time with your partner. Have romantic dinners every once in a while, shower together, go on morning strolls, and watch your favourite movies or tv shows together. 

No matter what you do, just do it together. 

You’ll be surprised at the level of intimacy these seemingly ordinary events can create within your relationship. 

Also, try to be more affectionate with your partner outside of sex. Give them hugs and kisses, hold their hand, or lay your head on their shoulder.

This might very well create a new level of sexual intimacy, obliterate bedroom boredom, and increase overall relationship satisfaction. 

8. Switch locations 

Bedroom sex is great… But I’m going to take a guess and say that it’s also your usual spot. 

Why not try a new location like the living room, shower, or kitchen counter? Or you can even go outside and explore your swimming pool in a new way ;).

image of a man and woman getting ready to have sex in the kitchen

It doesn’t really matter what location you choose — as long as it’s not your usual spot. Sexual boredom LOVES your usual spot!

The new smells, textures, and sensations will give you a completely different experience and keep your sex life interesting. 

Of course, you can still primarily have sex in your bedroom (if that’s your go-to place), but changing things up every now and again will do wonders for your libido.

9. Get kinky

Movies and shows like 50 Shades of Grey and How to Build a Sex Room have made kink more mainstream. 

Merriam Webster defines kink as “unconventional sexual taste or behaviour”.

This means that it has no set “rules” and is entirely subjective. It’s what YOU like.

What’s excellent about kink is that it challenges you to push your personal limits of sexual desire. It helps you explore new parts of yourself that you would’ve never known existed otherwise. 

Now, there are some extreme and intense forms of kink, but I’d suggest you take small steps that feel safe to you and work your way up. 

Remember, there’s no pressure to commit to anything, and you can stop anytime. 

Trying something new (even if it’s just a slight variation of what you’re already doing) can significantly increase your pleasure. 

Ready to escape sexual boredom?

Trying out different things in the bedroom — or on the kitchen counter — can be exciting and arousing. 

If you want to say goodbye to sexual boredom and experience more orgasms, try out these ideas and see which ones work for you. 

Or, take sex from underwhelming to mind-blowing with OMGyes, where you’ll learn everything you need to know about pleasuring your woman, making your sex life hotter, wetter, and far better than it’s ever been before. 

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