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Top 3 Things That’ll Make Your Wife Super Horny (Tips From a Sex Educator)

Picture of Lisa Welsh
Lisa Welsh

Podcaster
Sexual Health & Pleasure Educator
Media Liaison for the World Association for Sexual Health

Is your wife’s sex drive on the low side or even non-existent? 

Are you struggling to encourage her to have sex with you? And, when you manage to get her between the sheets, does it feel like she isn’t really enjoying it? 

Don’t worry, you’re not alone! 80% of couples regularly experience a desire discrepancy where one partner wants more sex than the other. 

And, yes, the female counterpart is often the one who doesn’t want sex. 

Luckily, there is a way to fix this. A few ways, actually. 

In this article, I’ll explain how female arousal works so you can better understand your wife’s wants and needs. I’ll also give you the top three techniques to turn your wife on and get her ready for some super hot sex with you. 

How does female arousal work?

Before we dive into the techniques you can use to make your wife horny, you first need to understand how female arousal works. 

Unlike men, who tend to be visual beings and can usually be turned on through visual cues such as seeing their wives in underwear or looking at sexy images, females are often turned on through sensation

In truth, around 70% of women don’t want to have sex out of the blue. They need to be “put in the mood”. 

alt: Female sex drive

In other words, you need to turn her on first before she wants sex. To do this, you can activate her sexual desire through sensation and making her feel desired. 

It’s also important to note that there may be several reasons why your wife’s libido is lower than you’re used to. 

  • Lack of sleep: Is your wife getting enough rest? A 2015 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that more sleep for women can increase their sexual desire.
  • Low activity levels: Getting enough exercise can often help increase the sexual drive of some people. The opposite can be said of low activity levels. 
  • Low body image: When your wife doesn’t feel comfortable in her skin or insecure about her appearance for any reason, she likely won’t be “in the mood” for sex. 
  • Excessive alcohol: While a glass of wine isn’t a bad idea to get your wife in the mood, excessive alcohol can result in a loss of interest in sex. That being said, alcohol consumption isn’t discouraged entirely, it just needs to be consumed in moderation. 
  • Effects of certain prescription drugs: Certain medications can affect women’s hormone levels — which could decrease their desire for sex. 

It can also be because of sexual boredom. This can often result from sex becoming a routine or when you become parents. If this is the case, discover how to fix sexual boredom so you and your wife can have more fun in bed. 

3 effective techniques to make your wife horny

Ready for some fool-proof sensation and admiration techniques you can try to get your wife hot, wet, and ready for you? 

Great! Then these techniques will work wonders. 

It’s important to note that these techniques can be used independently, but they’re best when used together. 

1. Touch her (and not just sexually)

Physical touch is so sexy. You can use it to increase intimacy, boost emotional connection, and make your wife SUPER horny.

And no, I’m not talking about the typical stuff you’ve seen. This is the real deal that your wife wishes you knew.

As you try these different kinds of touches I’m about to give you, I want you to notice how your wife responds. If she’s leaning in or touching your back, these are sure signs she’s enjoying what you’re doing.

alt: Image of man and woman hugging

When you try these touches, I also want you to touch her confidently because that will help her read your energy. If she sees that you enjoy touching her, this will boost her confidence and make her more likely to tear off your clothes later😉. 

But whoa, we’re not starting with sexual touch. 

Let’s dial it right back. 

Because the first way to touch your wife to turn her on is not very sexual at all, I’m talking about affectionate touch.

Level 1: Affectionate touch

This is the kind of touch that’s natural and loving. NOT the ones screaming that you want to throw her on the bed and devour her from top to bottom. 

Think about socially acceptable ways to touch your wife (if you were in public). 

  • Brushing her hand against yours. 
  • Putting your hand on her leg at a restaurant and brushing your knees under the table. 
  • Throwing your arm over her shoulder while you’re watching a movie.
  • Moving the hair from her face and over her ear. 

Level 2: Flirty touch

Flirty touches can include body areas such as the mid-thighs, neck, earlobes, or even her buttocks. These should be gentle caresses, lingering for a few seconds. 

These kinds of touches will get her heart beating — slowly but surely. While flirtatious touches could lead to sex, it’s important not to automatically assume it will. 

The purpose of flirtatious touches is more to get her attention and show her that you think she’s sexy, beautiful, and just the person you want to be with. 

If you do, however, see that she’s in the mood for something more frisky (based on her body language), then you’re in a good position to include sexual touch into the play. 

Level 3: Energetic touch

This type of touch is especially exciting if your wife has an energetic, erotic blueprint.

An energetic touch is when there’s no physical connection, but there’s an intense anticipation or suspenseful connection that gets her full attention. 

This can include eye contact or mindful connection. Just the suggestion that there may be a touch can be incredibly exciting and create crazy sexual tension. 

alt: Man and woman staring into each other's eyes

One way you can do this is by floating your finger around her soft nipple (without actually touching it), creating a teasing anticipation. This will likely make her nipple erect and crave your physical touch.  

The longer you make her wait for it, the more she’ll want it. This could also heighten the level of steam and pleasure once you finally have sex. 

Level 4: Teasing touch

A teasing touch is where things start to really get hot. 

This touch involves actually making physical contact, but with a particular emphasis on exploring sensations. Here you can play around with the following: 

  • Different temperatures: You can use ice on the body or a warmed-up dildo that you’ve placed into warm water to create a different experience.
  • Different objects: This includes feathers, different kinds of material, or even metal, such as a fork that you gently glide over her body. 

For example, try dragging a strawberry down her body and bringing it under her nose before popping it into her mouth. 

These touches can be highly arousing — bringing all of the senses on board. 

Try incorporating a breathy touch into the mix to make her even hotter. This is where you lean in close and whisper in her ear to bring all those beautiful nerve endings online. 

Pay special attention to the nerve endings in the neck and ears. Just breathe on her without using your hands or touching her. 

This will bring her senses into overdrive and cause her to become super aroused. 

You can also combine dirty talk into the mix (if that’s something she’s into). 

  • “I’m so hard right now”. 
  • “Your body is a masterpiece”. 
  • “I want you to touch yourself”.
  • “I want to taste you”. 
  • “Moan for me”.  

Saying things like these while you’re building the sexual tension can get her engines roaring to life — setting you up for an explosive time later. 

And, of course, objects and breath aren’t the only things you can use to touch her. Which is where the next touch comes in.  

Level 5: Sexual touch

As we move into the fifth layer of touch — sexual touch — you can include other body parts. Touch her body with your hands, tongue, and genitals. 

This shouldn’t only include her vulva but other body parts too. There are some special erogenous zones you should definitely keep in mind. So we’ve mentioned the neck and the ear lobes, but how about the armpits, behind the knee, or even the feet? 

The feet can be wonderfully sensitive. You can include a sensual massage, tickle, temperature, and play. Toes can also feel exquisite when sucked. 

alt: Image of a sensual foot massage

Exploring these areas that are rarely touched can heighten her senses tenfold — sort of like an exciting electrical sensation. This could open up a world of pleasure for her and you. 

2. Make her feel desired

One of the most potent ways to make your wife horny is by simply making her feel deeply desired by you. 

While the feeling of being desired is essential for men, it’s even more so for women. It’s utterly intoxicating for us — making us feel appreciated, beautiful, and needed. 

There are several ways you can make your wife feel desired. 

Flatter her

Flattering your wife is a sure way to get the butterflies in her stomach fluttering. 

However, your flattery should ALWAYS be genuine. If not, you may come across as insincere, which will make your plan backfire completely. 

So, how do you approach flattery the right way?

  • If you’re going out and she looks beautiful, tell her. Too often, we stay quiet because we assume someone knows when they look good. Not so. Compliment her on how she looks and express how she’s sparking desire within you. 
  • If she’s working hard on a project at work or home, tell her how sexy you find her dedication and drive. 
  • If she’s on a diet or exercise plan, tell her how much you like her results. 
  • When you’re at a gathering with your combined friends, casually compliment her in front of them. For example, you can mention how she’s a fantastic mother who always looks out for your kids. (However, only do this if she enjoys public flattery). 

While giving compliments is really sweet and can make her insides go mush, you shouldn’t overdo it. Too much flattery can make it lose its power.  

Make her feel special

Depending on your wife’s love language, she may enjoy “acts of service,” — meaning she enjoys it when you do little things for her. 

alt: Five love languages

(Image Source)

If so, you can make her feel special by doing small things, such as packing the dishwasher before she gets home, making her a cup of hot chocolate when she’s in bed, or taking her to a restaurant she’s always wanted to go to.  

On the other hand, if your wife’s love language is “gift giving”, she likely enjoys receiving gifts from you. So, why not surprise her with flowers, or send her a gift when she’s at work? 

When you make her feel special, she will appreciate you more and want you more, too😉. 

Pay attention to yourself

In the same way, you enjoy looking at your wife when she’s all dolled up or the way you love the smell of her when she puts on her sweet perfume, she also wants you to look after yourself. 

Looking, smelling, and acting presentable can have a massive impact on her sex drive. 

Now, I don’t mean you need to have a six-pack, wear the most expensive shoes you can find, or have a flowing mane of hair. All I mean is that you need to pay attention to yourself and be someone your woman is proud to show off to her friends. 

  • Take care of your hygiene. 
  • Make sure you wear well-fitting clothes. 
  • Wear cologne she enjoys. 
  • Style your hair in a way she finds attractive. 

Putting in a little bit of effort can go a long way in flattering her. 

3. Schedule time together (alone)

I know, I know. Scheduling seems boring and so not hot, right? 

But, I promise you, it’s essential. 

Spending time together — without the kids, family, or friends nearby to distract you is crucial to the success of any relationship. 

Not only does time alone allow you and your wife to reconnect, but it also shows her that you’re willing to prioritise her and your relationship. 

Choose a date on the calendar and make sure you clear that day of any other obligations. 

And, when you’re with her, be sure to put away your phone and resist the urge to check it for any notifications. This time should be yours and hers alone. All your attention should be focused on each other. 

You don’t have to do anything extravagant. Simply spending time alone, watching a movie in bed, or cooking together can nurture your relationship. 

alt: Husband and wife on a date night

When your wife feels valued, she’ll automatically be more inclined to spend time with you between the sheets. 

You also need to pay attention to communication during your time together. After all, communication is the glue that keeps your relationship and household together. 

Ask her about her day, so she knows you’re interested in her and what’s happening in her life and career. I like to think of it as going back to the “honeymoon phase”. 

You know… that phase where you constantly wanted to be in each other’s presence and know all the little details — regardless of how insignificant or small. 

While married life may not be as exciting as that initial phase, you should never neglect the interest you once felt. Show your wife that you’re STILL interested in her and everything she does.

Ready to make your wife feel like a queen? 

Now that you know how to make your wife horny, you can try these techniques to see what works well for her. 

Perhaps she enjoys dirty talk or wants you to pay more attention to her. It will depend from person to person. 

However, using the three techniques discussed in this article is an excellent way to get the ball rolling and start building your wife’s sexual appetite. 

Remember, if you take care of your wife emotionally, your sex life will prosper. 

I really hope you enjoyed these techniques to help turn your wife on. Let me know in the comments which ones you’ve tried successfully and which technique is your favourite. 

I would love to hear from you! 

While these techniques are SUPER important, it’s by no means an exhaustive list. There are loads more techniques where that came from. 

So, If you want to learn more about how to help your woman experience mind-blowing orgasms, then check out Beducated to learn exactly how to become an incredible lover.

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